As a child, I felt I didn’t fit in even with my own family.
My entire life I’ve struggled to figure out where I belong. I grew up watching my mother struggle with her own demons and all sorts of instability and my father was not a part of my life until I turned 13. I grew up feeling very alone and like I just did not belong… anywhere. Not experiencing a bond and connection with either of my parents while growing up resulted in some deep waves of self doubt and feeling unworthy of love.
For years I allowed my initial story to define me and my worth until I discovered these words by Victor Frankl:
The moment you see meaning in your suffering you can mold it into an achievement… Mold your predicament into an accomplishment… On a human level, you can turn your tragedies into a personal triumph.
– Viktor Frankl, Neurologist, Psychiatrist, & Holocaust Survivor
I realized then that what I had perceived as my greatest weakness and source of shame could actually become my greatest strength and source of vitality.
I searched for the grander meaning and the hidden benefits of my childhood traumas and “sob stories” and discovered that in each one of them there was potential gold. My entire life experience contained the seeds of greatness, if I chose to water them and feel gratitude for the gifts they offered instead of focusing on how I thought they had held me back.
We all have challenges and pain points in life, no matter who we are and no matter what form they present themselves as.
Feeling like a “weirdo” and the “odd one out” has given me an edge I wouldn’t have had otherwise. It’s helped me develop a strong will and sense of independence along with resilience and an iron-clad desire to figure out my place in this world above all else.
Feeling disconnected from my outer world for most of my life really reinforced my connection to my inner world. It taught me how to rely on my own intuition and sense of self instead. And so, because our perceived voids create our highest values, I became extremely interested in learning as much as I could about the power of self-connection as a means to create an inspired and empowered life.
The strength of our connection to ourselves is at the heart of everything we do in life. And I do mean everything.
Fast forward a few years later, and this is where my real journey begins…
Wrote and launched my first book in 6 weeks.
It took 6 weeks from the first “a-ha” moment when I decided I was going to write the book, The Unleashing, to the day it was published and launched. I was overtaken by this flood of inspiration that kept me up till sunrise while I typed away and crafted this body of work. It was like in one convergent moment, everything I had been studying and researching for the past three years organized itself in my head and heart and was clamoring to get out.
Three months later, The Unleashing made it to the #3 spot in the spiritual books best-sellers category on Amazon. Shortly after, I created The Butterfly Club because I wanted a platform and a community where I could teach and share the ideas from the book. Each month a group of courageous truth seekers would gather in Miami to network, do the work, and support each other through our metamorphosis journey. Each of us would allow our ‘dark side’ to come out as we exposed our fears to the collective light.
Opportunities to speak and share my message started popping up. My private consult practice grew. My work was featured on CNN Español four times that year. As a result, I started getting emails and messages from people across the globe. Women from countries like Mexico, Argentina, Brazil, and Spain inquired about how they could become a part of our Club.
Executives and husbands wrote to me asking if I could help their wives because they had seen the segment on television. I knew then that for my message to go global and have the most impact, I had to take The Butterfly Club virtual and create an online platform… And I had no idea how I was going to do it.
Where it All Crumbled…
I wasn’t prepared internally for what it would take to build my vision, so therefore, I wasn’t prepared physically.
I had little to no prior online marketing experience not to mention I was completely in the dark regarding the tech side (development, design, and coding) of bringing The Butterfly Club digital tribe to life.
With sheer force and my usual head strong nature I plowed through and tried to rush the process. I rushed the hiring of the team. I overspent on low priority things. It was bump after bump and for a long time, I really beat myself up over it. “I should have known better,” I thought over and over again.
In retrospect, I now know that there was so much I did not know that I did not know about what it takes to create a community. I had unrealistic expectations about so many things regarding this process.
The entire project imploded before it even really took off. It was a humbling experience that left me feeling defeated and deflated. And it was also a powerful one that taught me so many lessons I would not have learned otherwise.
Right around that time as I was facing what I perceived to be ‘professional and personal failure’, I also experienced ‘relationship failure.’ Like my unborn project, my relationship imploded and ended in an chaotic and dramatic manner.
We had planned a life together and I was about to close on an 8-acre property I purchased in the mountains of western North Carolina. I had A LOT of unrealistic expectations and attachments around the relationship. I was infatuated with the idea of him and of us.
Broken hearted and filled with fear, anxiety, and dread I made the move from Miami to my new home in NC… Alone. “What the F%$! am I going to do living by myself up there in those mountains?” I thought.
My biggest fear was that I would end up alone.
Five days after my move, I hopped on a plane and took off to Paris for a 7 week post-breakup self discovery pilgrimage. (I figured if it had worked for Eat Pray Love’s Liz Gilbert*, then it might just work for me too.) I immersed myself in the culture, the language, the arts, the food, and of course copious amounts of wine in an effort to focus my attention on something new and novel.
But no amount of distraction (or wine) would change the fact that when I returned, I would have to face my new reality and make the most of this blank slate before me. I named my property ‘The Chrysalis’ because to me, it was the cocoon and receptacle where I would undergo my greatest transformation yet.
For the first two weeks in the middle of ‘nowhere,’ I found the silence deafening. The remote solitude (the nearest supermarket and gas station were 15 minutes away) mixed with the sounds of nature (and the void of all city life) brought up all of my internal chatter and chaos to the surface. I had no idea how much I had become accustomed to noise as a means of distraction from myself until that moment.
This was the initiation of my soul; every other trying moment had been preparing me for this one. I learned that through this purification fire I came out stronger and more knowledgeable of who I was and what I was meant to do in the world.
I wanted to master myself – mind, body, and emotions, so I enrolled in a 30 day intensive Yoga Teacher Training in Asheville. I was determined to rise above my perceived pain and my stories and turn it all into gold I could use to live out my mission and share what I was learning with others going through similar things. I figured I needed a physical outlet and complement to all the emotional and mental work and research I was doing.
The magic of the asanas (poses) & pranayama (breath work), stirred something within me. When I combined specific yogic aspects with the emotional alchemy work I was researching, I found it helped me come to understand myself better, overcome years of emotional eating, and finally find a sense of peace and harmony within my own body. It helped regenerate and heal me from the inside out, from old emotions stuck in my muscles to my tissues and renewed skin.
That’s when I began to study ancient Vedic wisdom and saw how it tied in with what modern science was discovering today. I saw so many common threads I got excited and inspired to piece this puzzle together. What I was learning (and everything I had learned every single little step of the way) became practical and experiential and powerful to me in terms of actual, noticeable physical change in my outer world.
By applying this knowledge and implementing this wisdom I began to empower my mind and thoughts, my body and physical capabilities, as well as my emotional patterns and moods. I was no longer just a reactive product of my environment, I was becoming an inspired individual who was learning how to effect her outer world via her own inner approach. Flow took over. Intuition got stronger. As fast as the old skin layers dropped, so did the new ones emerge. I finally understood what true metamorphosis was – on a chemical, hormonal, energetic, and cellular level.
Change is not only possible – it is inevitable. It’s happening all the time, all around. When we dive into the three pillars of our being we tap into that intelligent flow that creates star systems and planets along with cells and fully developed organs. When we are in the flow we are connected to our timeless nature. Our only real mission in life is to re-connect to that part of ourselves, and I would love to show you how.
5 Things that make me… Me:
“The Eternal Student”
One of my highest values is education and learning as a means of self empowerment and self connection. My family nicknamed me ‘The Eternal Student’ because I’ve usually got my head stuck in a nerdy book or I’m jetting off to a new course or training of some kind. (Honestly, I’d rather invest my bucks on a seminar than on a new purse!)
For the last few years, especially, I have been traveling the world studying and learning from some of the planet’s greatest minds such as Dr. John Demartini, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Dr. Joe Dispenza. I have invested hundreds of hours and over $200,000 uncovering and discovering exactly what makes an empowered mind, body, & emotions.
90% Right Brained Lefty
I think in non-linear, whole/big picture ways. Essentially, I see the whole damn forest before I see each tree, let alone each leaf. (It’s easier for me to notice patterns before I notice each individual detail.) I assimilate information in images, feelings, and ‘whole chunks.’ I much prefer open-ended questions rather than multiple-choice. I’m also highly intuitive and lose attention pretty quickly when we start talking numbers, sequences, and structures.
Yodha (My Little Warrior)
I was planning to head to Bali, Indonesia for three months right before my little guy unexpectedly popped into my life. One rainy morning in August, I was scrolling through my FB newsfeed when I saw a picture of a black and white, wide eyed pup looking for a home. This make-you-melt sweet fur ball stared back at me through the screen and I knew instantly that he was meant for me.
Without hesitation, I cancelled the trip and instead, got in my car and drove 12 hours and three states to go get my baby. “Yodha” (in sanskrit) means “warrior, fighter, soldier.” And a fighter he is. He was thought dead for a whole 45 minutes when he was born, and just as they were about to give up on him, he miraculously came back to life. Oh yes, this dog was meant for me.
I speak, write, and read fluent English, Spanish, and Catalan*. (And when I’m with my family or back in my hometown of Miami, I speak spanglish 80% of the time.)
I carry a bottle with me in my purse in case of drought, especially when traveling. I honestly think most things taste better with Tabasco and I have been known to add some to my green juice too. (Try it, before you knock it.)